Become the person that you would like to be around

a quiet guide to becoming someone worth knowing

Become the person that you would like to be around

I've been thinking about this idea a lot lately.
How often we crave to be seen a certain way.
How we wait quietly, restlessly to be understood without asking, to be held without explaining, to be chosen without needing to prove ourselves.

And maybe, somewhere in between all that hoping, we forget that we have the power to become the very person we long for.

Think about it.
What kind of person do you feel safe with?
Who makes you feel at home in your skin?
Whose presence feels like a deep exhale, not because they're perfect, but because they’re kind, because they listen, because they don’t make you feel small for feeling too much?

Become that.

Become the person who doesn’t wait for the right moment to say something nice. Become the person who notices not just the big things, often invisible wins.

Be the one who compliments a stranger, not for how they look, but for how they carry themselves in the world. The one who doesn't make everything about them, even when it would be easier to.

Because if you’ve ever been comforted by someone who didn’t owe you anything. If you’ve ever been loved in a way that healed you, even just a little
You know the power of people who show up.

And not just show up but stay.

Here’s what I’ve learned, painfully and slowly:
You will never feel truly connected to others until you learn how to be the kind of person you would choose in a room full of strangers.

It sounds simple, but it’s not.
It requires a brutal kind of honesty.

Like, do you interrupt when people talk because you’re scared you’ll forget your thought?
Do you listen to respond or to understand?
Do you give compliments only when it’s easy or when they’re “deserved”?
Do you hold space for people to be messy around you?

Do you know how to be there for someone without needing to be needed in return?

because think about the people you love the most
The ones who feel like sunlight in human form.
The ones whose presence makes your shoulders drop.
They probably didn’t do anything big, right?
They just showed up consistently. Gently. Without performance.

They didn’t try to fix you.
They didn’t get weird when you were quiet.
They didn’t look at their phone every two minutes while pretending to care.
They made you feel like you mattered just by how they looked at you.

And isn’t that what we all want?

To be looked at like we matter.
To be spoken to with softness.
To be remembered without reminding.
To be understood without having to explain every crack in our voice.

So, what if you became that person?

Because maybe that’s where it starts, not by searching for someone to make us feel whole, but by being the kind of presence we crave in the dark.

What if instead of waiting for people to see you, you started seeing people?
What if you became the person who gives the compliment, not to be liked, but because you meant it?
The person who doesn’t always need to be right, but always tries to be kind?

That’s the kind of person I want to be around.

Someone who understands that people are not puzzles to be solved, but rooms to be sat with.

Imagine what kind of world it would be if more people chose to become instead of just expect.
What if we practiced compassion the way we practice productivity?
What if emotional intelligence weren’t just a buzzword but a baseline?

And I’m not saying this because I’ve mastered it.
I’m writing this because I’m learning it every single day.
Every time I speak too quickly, and regret it.
Every time I realize I could’ve been softer, but wasn’t.
Every time I needed someone to show up, and realized I haven’t been showing up for others lately either.

I know you might be reading this thinking, but what about me? Who does this for me?
And you're right, you're allowed to ask that.
You deserve kindness and softness and love without conditions.

But sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the only way out of the ache is through the act of becoming.
Not for performance. Not for applause. Not for reciprocation.
But because the world needs more of what you're waiting for.

And you could be that.

You could be the reason someone starts to believe again.
You could be the reason they don't feel invisible.
You could be the pause in someone’s chaos, the warmth in someone’s winter.

And if that feels like too much today
Start small.

Smile when you don’t feel like it.
Thank the barista like they made your whole day.
Tell your friend they looked really happy yesterday, and you noticed. Become the kind of person whose presence feels like a hug.

And here's the thing:
You don’t have to be perfect to be good for someone.
You don’t need to be healed to hold space for someone else.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to say, “I’m here.”

So if you're reading this,
and you're unsure of who you're becoming,
just ask yourself:

Would I want to be around myself today?

And if the answer is no, that’s okay too.
You can try again tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the next.

Because becoming isn’t a moment.
It’s a choice.
A daily, quiet, often unnoticed choice.

You are allowed to become someone you're proud of.
Someone you’d feel lucky to meet.

And it starts here.

Today.
With you.
With one small act of becoming.

If you’ve been enjoying these soft ramblings and want to sit a little closer, I’d love to invite you to Hasif’s Porchlight Club. It’s a cozy little corner where I share the quiet stuff, the off-the-record thoughts, diary-style entries I don’t post anywhere else, behind-the-scenes updates on the book I’m slowly writing, and little reflections on what it’s like being in your twenties, just trying to make sense of things. It’s the closest you’ll get to the real-time version of me. If you ever wanted to know more than what I write publicly, this is where I leave the porchlight on for you. 💌🕯️

You can get full access here, and I’d love to see you there.

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🎬 If you’re still in the mood to feel something:

Here are some comfort films that quietly echo this post: becoming, growing up, and learning how to love your life again, even in small pieces.
You don’t have to watch them all now. Just save this for a soft night.

Save them for a soft night in. Maybe light a candle. Maybe sit with yourself for a while.