I actually did this recently and it’s quite isolating, but I think it will get better once I find a new routine and people. I haven’t decided if I’ll change my name yet, but I’ve completely vanished in every other way and there is no way no one from my old life can contact me
I resonate with this feeling a lot of the time. Similar but not exactly in the same ways. I think it comes from everyone around me being so busy and me being in a long distance relationship. So I already feel so lonely and I’m by myself all the time, majority of the time. So the feeling you wrote about just naturally calls.
did i just found my people? i was raised in an environment where women were conservative. i was told not to do anything or even try simply because of my gender.
i was the first one to runaway and moved out. i was the first to travel alone at 16. i was the first to take the risk and work in the city at 18. i was the first in many things.
i have this yearning to leave. not because i don't love them. but because i love them so much i don't want to blame them once im old and weak. that i didn't do things i want because of them.
id rather be the selfish one. id rather be free and unknown
“It’s exhausting to live in a place where your own shadow feels heavier than your body.” To me sometimes you just have to let things be. Be mindful of what you think, what you say, and what you do, but don’t let it bound you to someone that you are not anymore or don’t want to be. Not everything needs to be given weight. If it won’t matter in 5 years don’t let drain you right now, just let it be. Notice and acknowledge things but don’t let it absorb you… Good post.
ngl this felt heavy and liberating at the same time...idk if that make sense! but the freedom that we ache for so badly, do we really want that cause how long before the same freedom will start to feel like a trap like an imposter! and how long before that same human tendency to be known, to be remembered, to be noticed creep in
but everything aside, this was such a beautiful piece!!
Be careful what you wish for. I have felt this pull, but when it happened to me, it was my worst nightmare. When I got a divorce and my daughter left for college, and school was out for the summer, I was alone. I wondered what if something bad happened to me, would anyone know? Any time I experienced something I wanted to share, no one was with me to share it. Luckily, my sister and my daughter pulled me out from drowning and later I was rescued by someone who fell in love with me. Be careful about what pulls you. It may not have your best interests at heart. Change comes from inside, not running away to a new outside.
Wow! Exactly how i feel 🥺. But whats funny is that I did took the courage to disappear 3 years ago, but home called (just had to come back) so I went back, and now I cant wait to disappear again. After being home for months, I realized why I needed to disappear in the first place.
I want my brain to be quiet. I want to be a child again.
reminded me of that quote “i wanted to vanish so completely that even i wouldn’t remember me”
this single handling spoke to every fiber of my being
I actually did this recently and it’s quite isolating, but I think it will get better once I find a new routine and people. I haven’t decided if I’ll change my name yet, but I’ve completely vanished in every other way and there is no way no one from my old life can contact me
I always adore reading your writing 🥰
i feel so seen
I feel this deeply and there are days I’m angry I chose to have children, because they are the only thing keeping me from vanishing.
I also want to disappear, I don't know where or when, but I do know I want to disappear with someone I hold dear.
Into a place, no one knows, a place further than the universe. •
“To keep living a version of myself that feels like a performance, just because it’s convenient for everyone else” describes everything really
I resonate with this feeling a lot of the time. Similar but not exactly in the same ways. I think it comes from everyone around me being so busy and me being in a long distance relationship. So I already feel so lonely and I’m by myself all the time, majority of the time. So the feeling you wrote about just naturally calls.
did i just found my people? i was raised in an environment where women were conservative. i was told not to do anything or even try simply because of my gender.
i was the first one to runaway and moved out. i was the first to travel alone at 16. i was the first to take the risk and work in the city at 18. i was the first in many things.
i have this yearning to leave. not because i don't love them. but because i love them so much i don't want to blame them once im old and weak. that i didn't do things i want because of them.
id rather be the selfish one. id rather be free and unknown
“It’s exhausting to live in a place where your own shadow feels heavier than your body.” To me sometimes you just have to let things be. Be mindful of what you think, what you say, and what you do, but don’t let it bound you to someone that you are not anymore or don’t want to be. Not everything needs to be given weight. If it won’t matter in 5 years don’t let drain you right now, just let it be. Notice and acknowledge things but don’t let it absorb you… Good post.
ngl this felt heavy and liberating at the same time...idk if that make sense! but the freedom that we ache for so badly, do we really want that cause how long before the same freedom will start to feel like a trap like an imposter! and how long before that same human tendency to be known, to be remembered, to be noticed creep in
but everything aside, this was such a beautiful piece!!
Be careful what you wish for. I have felt this pull, but when it happened to me, it was my worst nightmare. When I got a divorce and my daughter left for college, and school was out for the summer, I was alone. I wondered what if something bad happened to me, would anyone know? Any time I experienced something I wanted to share, no one was with me to share it. Luckily, my sister and my daughter pulled me out from drowning and later I was rescued by someone who fell in love with me. Be careful about what pulls you. It may not have your best interests at heart. Change comes from inside, not running away to a new outside.
Wow! Exactly how i feel 🥺. But whats funny is that I did took the courage to disappear 3 years ago, but home called (just had to come back) so I went back, and now I cant wait to disappear again. After being home for months, I realized why I needed to disappear in the first place.
how can I relate so much to a stranger's thoughts? -so well written.