45 Comments
User's avatar
Zaina's avatar

Aaaaaa it feels like the algorithm read exactly what was going on in my mind right this second

Expand full comment
Ashes and Seeds's avatar

We often talk about the human right to not have a child but we often donโ€™t speak of the human right to have one. Children are treasures on this earth. Bringing a life into this world should be taken with the same weight and gravity as taking one. This made me cry. I donโ€™t want children but I truly understand how this world weโ€™ve build has become inhospitable to life herself.

Expand full comment
Tawfiq Mohammed's avatar

goosebumps. you captured the seesawing conundrum of having children in today's society so beautifully, so cathartically. Wishing you all the best. Thank you for articulating so purely what so many of us feel.

Expand full comment
Nga-nga's Subs's avatar

This piece just make me want to sob and say that either way, you would make a great father. Sending you virtual hugs and loves for writing such a melancholily beautiful piece!

Expand full comment
Bonbon's avatar

Wow. Other people see this. Everyone in my life seems to not even consider the consequences of bringing another soul into the world. They just do the normal thing, make babies because they want a family and that's what people do. there's also the guilt of all the children already brought into the world who don't have parents. To bring another small soul here to suffer... and yet there is something about the idea of your own child made with someone you love, someone who is such a powerful positive thing to exist, that you want to bring more of them into the world in the way that you can. People talk about parents as selfless and giving up a lot for their children, but you can also look at it as starting from a selfish point of creating that life in the first place. Of course the parents owe that life everything they can give, it's their fault the child is here to struggle.

Expand full comment
Stella Rigel JH's avatar

THANKS FOR WRITING THIS!

Expand full comment
Thalia's avatar

This made me tear up. I recently had a conversation with my family where I bluntly said โ€œI donโ€™t want to have kidsโ€. And i didnโ€™t say why. Only that I thought having kids nowadays is cruel and selfish.

Expand full comment
Thalia's avatar

but oh how I imagine my little one everyday.

Expand full comment
p_p's avatar

I am so glad you as a man came to this realisation. And I'm not saying this to be condescending but genuinely so many men have not yet come to terms with what it takes to raise a child especially in this world. Men want children like they want puppies and whatnot. Thank you for being so aware and you will make an amazing father if you ever decide to make that decision

Expand full comment
dimsum ๐–ค.แŸ's avatar

this is honestly so well-written, youโ€™re very articulate with your thoughts!!

Expand full comment
Star The Poet's avatar

I feel this so, so deeply, thank you for putting this into words for me ๐Ÿซถโœจ

Expand full comment
ัั†ะฒัƒ ๐Ÿ“'s avatar

This is so beautiful

Expand full comment
Sienna's avatar

I resonate with your writing very much

Expand full comment
ash's avatar

a lot of us dream of having a parent who would be like you. i genuinely started crying when you mentioned the mangoes, thinking about going to my hometown and my father cutting them up for me. i wonder why it couldnt stay the same forever. hasif, you are incredible.

Expand full comment
Abie's avatar

Wow

Reading this felt like my thoughts were being stolen. I love children but so scared of bringing them to this world.๐Ÿ˜ญ

Expand full comment
Tamms ๐Ÿ“'s avatar

Such beautiful writing and thoughts, your soul is full of pure intention, but... if we want this world to be a better place, we need more good people. We shouldn't give up on hope. If one gives up, who will stand up in their place?

Expand full comment
Fern's avatar

I feel your feelings through your writing. I have two children in their 20's, happy and healthy.

I would like to add some reality into the comments. All positive intention reality.

You are never fully the parent you want to be. Raising children is work if you love them the way you describe. You would think, "Oh, I love them so much it would not feel like work". Maybe in a way but I believe it is a long hard road.

My heart is attached to theirs, the love is unconditional. You just do your best. I see now that I will never be finished raising my children. You are never a single individual once you have a child. You are forever connected to these little /big humans and their offspring in turn.

I could not ask for better children. Not perfect people but good people living on this earth.

I do feel stuck, in a location, in a role. I will always be a parent to them and that does mean something. It is something I can't move away from and still live with myself. I cannot divest of property that they love and grew up on because they spend so much time making memories there for themselves and my grandson. Those are just a few examples of current mental wrestling matches. It is more complicated, in more ways than I can express.

All you wrote is true. They are a reflection of you. They are precious.

I was not protected. I was abused from the youngest age. You described my experience in part of your writing. That experience stays in the mix. We pass it on as much as we hate it and try not to. You cannot protect them completely from that or the world. They do not want to be protected,after a certain age that is different for each. We all, my children included, become "the person" that has had traumatic experiences. I could not protect them from everything. No one could . They do not wish that they had not been born.

I am not advocating for parenthood and not advocating for not having children. I'm not a writer. Everyone's experience of this world is different. I'm just throwing some thoughts out there.

I could have never guessed correctly what parenthood is ... both wonder and difficulty. You lose part of yourself and gain something different.

Expand full comment