I have always connected boundaries with being cold or mean, so I would do so much more than I could handle, then end up being exhausted ,leave people and ruin my relationship with them . Its only in the past few years that I have learned that I can set my boundaries while still being nice so both parts in the relationship are satisfied. Thank you for your article it made me understand it more ❤️
I love the part where it recognize that without boundaries kindness wouldn't exist nor will be nurturing. It's a different when you know exactly when to stand up for yourself and honoring you first.
This is hitting hard. I just did it. Trying to be kind while making my boundaries clear. Apparently I failed, after days trying to make them understand... I had to leave.
What struck me here is how boundaries are so often framed as rejection, when in truth they’re what keep love from curdling into resentment. In my work I see how guilt gets weaponised against people — especially women — to keep them from drawing those lines. Your essay feels like a reminder that protecting the self is what makes genuine kindness possible in the first place.
Brene Brown has a good message in her book, 'Imperfect' that says, "setting boundaries, with yourself and others, is a form ofself compassion." You have to learn how to say no to negative thoughts about yourself as well as people who might walk all over you in order to grow into a stronger person.
i really needed to hear this. i have been no-contact with my father for over a year and his family will be in town soon, requesting to see me. i know that i want to be no-contact with them as well but its been difficult. i need to be kind to myself, stop putting everyone else first and calmly, kindly assert my boundaries. it’s not healthy to have such one-sided, traumatic relationships.
This is the third Substack essay I read today, and it almost moved me to tears. I didn't realise the difference between kindness and self-erasure before it was too late. I always said "yes" to my friends and classmates because I was the kind, smart girl who was always there to help with your homework or help you out when you are in a sticky spot. I said yes to doing after school projects and taking all the load because I thought I was being kind, but it is just self-depletion. I wasn't kind to my body. But, now I have realised that saying "no" sometimes doesn't make you unkind or weak- it makes you stronger.
We diminish ourselves to satisfy others but they are never satisfied…
Setting boundaries felt hard at first, but it actually gave me more energy back than anything else I’ve tried.
I have always connected boundaries with being cold or mean, so I would do so much more than I could handle, then end up being exhausted ,leave people and ruin my relationship with them . Its only in the past few years that I have learned that I can set my boundaries while still being nice so both parts in the relationship are satisfied. Thank you for your article it made me understand it more ❤️
https://open.substack.com/pub/beneatthesilhouettes/p/the-difference-between-boundaries
I love the part where it recognize that without boundaries kindness wouldn't exist nor will be nurturing. It's a different when you know exactly when to stand up for yourself and honoring you first.
This is hitting hard. I just did it. Trying to be kind while making my boundaries clear. Apparently I failed, after days trying to make them understand... I had to leave.
Where's the kindness in it I don't know
What struck me here is how boundaries are so often framed as rejection, when in truth they’re what keep love from curdling into resentment. In my work I see how guilt gets weaponised against people — especially women — to keep them from drawing those lines. Your essay feels like a reminder that protecting the self is what makes genuine kindness possible in the first place.
I wish I can send this to my brother for him to read😮💨
This was right on time, read it out loud and brought to tears but I am respecting my kindness this time around
Brene Brown has a good message in her book, 'Imperfect' that says, "setting boundaries, with yourself and others, is a form ofself compassion." You have to learn how to say no to negative thoughts about yourself as well as people who might walk all over you in order to grow into a stronger person.
CUTE!!
i really needed to hear this. i have been no-contact with my father for over a year and his family will be in town soon, requesting to see me. i know that i want to be no-contact with them as well but its been difficult. i need to be kind to myself, stop putting everyone else first and calmly, kindly assert my boundaries. it’s not healthy to have such one-sided, traumatic relationships.
Cool words ✨
As always, I'm so grateful for your words as they find me whenever I need to hear them the most <3
♥️♥️♥️
This is the third Substack essay I read today, and it almost moved me to tears. I didn't realise the difference between kindness and self-erasure before it was too late. I always said "yes" to my friends and classmates because I was the kind, smart girl who was always there to help with your homework or help you out when you are in a sticky spot. I said yes to doing after school projects and taking all the load because I thought I was being kind, but it is just self-depletion. I wasn't kind to my body. But, now I have realised that saying "no" sometimes doesn't make you unkind or weak- it makes you stronger.