The Art of Being on Your Own

Becoming your own safest place.

Being on your own doesn’t start with candles or books or walks alone in the park. It starts with sitting across from yourself, no distractions, no noise, no people to mirror your worth back to you, and realizing you don’t really know who you are without someone else watching.

You spend so much of your life in relation to others.
Who you are when you’re liked.
Who you are when you’re ignored.
Who you are when you’re chasing closure,
Or pretending you don’t care,
Or holding your breath in a room full of people who never asked how you’re really doing.

And when all of that is stripped away,
when it’s just you,
you think: okay, now what?

What do I even like without being told it’s cool?
How do I feel without asking someone else to validate it?
Why do I keep reaching for people who only show up when I’m quiet, agreeable, and useful?

Being on your own forces you to look at the roles you’ve played just to be loved.
The version of you that laughs too hard at jokes that aren't funny.
The version that replies fast so you don’t seem cold.
The version that downplays how much things hurt because you don’t want to be “too emotional.”

And then one day you realize:
You’re not meant to become a better version for them.
You’re healing, so you can finally stop auditioning.

I don’t want to perform for people anymore.
I want to exist without editing myself.

I want to say “I’m not okay” without being afraid it’ll scare someone away.
I want to like something without checking if it’s cringe.
I want to be alone without feeling like it means I’ve failed at something.

People talk about solitude like it’s this aesthetic journey,
But no one talks about the breakdowns you have when you’re three days into silence and all your thoughts come back louder than ever.
No one talks about watching someone else get the love you begged for.
No one talks about how hard it is to stop explaining yourself to people who have already decided not to understand you.

That’s what the art really is.
Not disappearing. Not isolating.
Staying.
With yourself. Through the ache. Through the doubt. Through the boredom.
Through the hours that feel heavy and the mornings that don’t come with any motivation at all.
Just staying.

Because being on your own isn’t just a phase.
It’s not a middle chapter before the romance or the glow-up.
Sometimes, it’s the whole point.
Sometimes, the lesson isn’t in who comes next,
but who you become when no one comes at all.

It’s in how you talk to yourself after a rejection.
It’s in what you choose to believe when the loneliness whispers that you’re unlovable.
It’s in the tiny moments no one claps for,
the meal you cooked for just yourself,
the song you played just because you like it,
the decision to stay home and protect your peace even though the world says you should be out “living.”

There’s a certain kind of power in not being easy to access.
In knowing your own patterns so well that you can call yourself out without shame.
I’m not settling for halfway love just to avoid being alone.

I’m not saying I’ve mastered it.
I still have days where I want to text the people I outgrew just to feel something familiar.
I still crave conversations that make me feel seen without having to explain so much.
I still check if they watched my story.

But now I notice those things without needing to act on them.
And maybe that’s growth.
Maybe that’s the beginning of a quieter kind of strength.

Maybe that’s the art.

If you’d like to support me and my writing, you can consider Buying me a Coffee.