i tend to care ALOT about what other people think of me, what they feel about me, and etc..
i always thought that being misunderstood is a threat for me, for my peace and stillness. So my mind keep on rejecting on who i really am when i'm out of my comfort zone. I feel like my brain is against me. I feel like i'm in a stage where i'll perform with different versions of me in each perceptions of the audiences.
Also being scared of not being understood took alot of my confidenece, took my free will, my i-wanna-do-this-'coz-i-want-to. I don't want to limit myself with things i'm scared to do--but i guess it can't be helped.
My body rejects the movement i'm scared to do and its frustrating because in my mind i can do it, but my body can't. My voice too. I did some research about what condition im in and i saw this glossophobia--its about fear of public speaking which im dealing with right now. I did some experimentation first to know if i have glossophobia (i had to do it myself bcause i dont have money for therapy) i talk in front of the class and my heart just keep on racing till my mind goes unstill and hard to focus and i dont drink. I thought its because i drink alot of coffee back in the pandemic era but i was wrong. I hadnt like drinked coffee for moths but its still like that so I drinked again like a black coffee a real hard so i could know if its because of the coffee. we had this presentation and its still like that my heart keeps on racing
I don't really know how to shake that feeling off from me and just be myself. I know i exist in people's mind around me with different versions of me BUT i hope i can be myself without being scared of doing stuff i really like.
No one really gets to know who i really am which i crave almost all the time. I tend to explain but im tired of explaining.
*english is not my first language and im still learning so you'll see much grammatical errors here ✌️
It resonate to me, word by word and somehow I felt being understood. I really love this for making me feel something that I’m having a hard time to find.
never have i ever read something that so perfectly articulated the way i feel about myself!! such a gorgeous piece of writing and to know that other people feel this way too is such a relief <3
Reading this felt like someone put their hands through my heart and extracted it and made it into words and put it on paper and it brought me to tears. truly heart touching. Thank you so much for writing this. Funnily enough, something written about not being completely understood made me feel completely understood.
You are right, it is excruciatingly tiring to be offering your truth, being vulnerable in the face of being misunderstood and still going on and some days i do not have the strength for it. but this was beautiful.<3
Just wait until you’re in your 50’s! This was posted on my 53rd Birthday. Life gets real, sober, surprising, exciting, exhilarating, exhausting, electric & everything in between the gentle, fine & fierce fibers as you arrive to meet your true self…✨✨✨
Thank you so much for this essay. This perfectly describes how I’ve been feeling lately, especially about often feeling misunderstood. It was such a beautiful and validating read 💕
Actually, it made me glad how no individual actually knows the whole version of me, it makes me feels relieved that atleast I'm not "too much" to them as I view myself.
And yes when people like you who tries to see more than what is being seen, other people like you exist too.
July showed me that I only exist wholly raw and unedited to myself and no one else. And trying to continuously edit the perception of me that others carry is quite exhausting. So for now I rest in my soft quirky graceful sovereignty.
Thank you Hasif for yet another profound articulation of thoughts. I am seen.
thank you for this.
(grammatical errors ahead)
i tend to care ALOT about what other people think of me, what they feel about me, and etc..
i always thought that being misunderstood is a threat for me, for my peace and stillness. So my mind keep on rejecting on who i really am when i'm out of my comfort zone. I feel like my brain is against me. I feel like i'm in a stage where i'll perform with different versions of me in each perceptions of the audiences.
Also being scared of not being understood took alot of my confidenece, took my free will, my i-wanna-do-this-'coz-i-want-to. I don't want to limit myself with things i'm scared to do--but i guess it can't be helped.
My body rejects the movement i'm scared to do and its frustrating because in my mind i can do it, but my body can't. My voice too. I did some research about what condition im in and i saw this glossophobia--its about fear of public speaking which im dealing with right now. I did some experimentation first to know if i have glossophobia (i had to do it myself bcause i dont have money for therapy) i talk in front of the class and my heart just keep on racing till my mind goes unstill and hard to focus and i dont drink. I thought its because i drink alot of coffee back in the pandemic era but i was wrong. I hadnt like drinked coffee for moths but its still like that so I drinked again like a black coffee a real hard so i could know if its because of the coffee. we had this presentation and its still like that my heart keeps on racing
I don't really know how to shake that feeling off from me and just be myself. I know i exist in people's mind around me with different versions of me BUT i hope i can be myself without being scared of doing stuff i really like.
No one really gets to know who i really am which i crave almost all the time. I tend to explain but im tired of explaining.
*english is not my first language and im still learning so you'll see much grammatical errors here ✌️
It resonate to me, word by word and somehow I felt being understood. I really love this for making me feel something that I’m having a hard time to find.
never have i ever read something that so perfectly articulated the way i feel about myself!! such a gorgeous piece of writing and to know that other people feel this way too is such a relief <3
Reading this felt like someone put their hands through my heart and extracted it and made it into words and put it on paper and it brought me to tears. truly heart touching. Thank you so much for writing this. Funnily enough, something written about not being completely understood made me feel completely understood.
You are right, it is excruciatingly tiring to be offering your truth, being vulnerable in the face of being misunderstood and still going on and some days i do not have the strength for it. but this was beautiful.<3
Wow. This resonates so deeply with me. I constantly wonder if anyone really understands another person.
This is such a beautiful and real piece. I will be re-reading it over and over again. Thank you!
Fuck. Thanks for that.
this is really one of the most painfully beautiful things ive ever read. <3
I’ve learn to be comfortable in the idea that no one truly gets me and like you said, we do it to others too. I guess we’re here to keep trying.
Just wait until you’re in your 50’s! This was posted on my 53rd Birthday. Life gets real, sober, surprising, exciting, exhilarating, exhausting, electric & everything in between the gentle, fine & fierce fibers as you arrive to meet your true self…✨✨✨
Thank you so much for this essay. This perfectly describes how I’ve been feeling lately, especially about often feeling misunderstood. It was such a beautiful and validating read 💕
i think this is a good reflection on the 2 sides of self-awareness. the confidence and the fear
it feels as if you just read my mind //
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Sometimes in life no one may truly know you especially if you don't know yourself.
I read things like this and I know this is why writing exists. So articulate!
Actually, it made me glad how no individual actually knows the whole version of me, it makes me feels relieved that atleast I'm not "too much" to them as I view myself.
And yes when people like you who tries to see more than what is being seen, other people like you exist too.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.
July showed me that I only exist wholly raw and unedited to myself and no one else. And trying to continuously edit the perception of me that others carry is quite exhausting. So for now I rest in my soft quirky graceful sovereignty.
Thank you Hasif for yet another profound articulation of thoughts. I am seen.